your daily dose of marlene…

1) Name: Marlene Medrano Soriano

2) Nicknames: marls, mars, mars bar, marilyn (haha), bonnie, bobby, MAHHH - LING!… anything!

3) When did u last cry? hard to say. I haven’t cried recently. Last time i remember when i left for Australia and my baby saw my plane leave.

4) What couldnt you live without? haha. My friends know what i would say and believe you me, now that i have it.. i don’t think i ever want to leave where i am right now. mmm.. sooooo good! haha. I can’t live without water.

5) Who couldnt you live without? Family n friends and my sexy husband

6) Describe your hair: long, dark brown with a fringe

7) Do you miss anyone? Family n friends and my sexy husband

Favourite piece of underwear: my g-strings.. its the only thing i wear.. i hate normal underwear. g strings are more sexier..

9) What inspires you? people who work hard for the money

10) Do you have any piercings? ears and belly

11) Best advice ever given to you? love is easy, people make it complicated

12) Is it right to flirt if you have a bf or a gf? people get flirting and being friendly mixed up, so i say! If you’re ‘friendliness’ has a hidden agenda, then thats ‘flirting and ofcourse.. thats not right

13) Did you like Santa when you were little? i knew he was fake. i was realistic and knew that someone THAT fat, couldn’t go down our small chimney. PLUS! our chimney is blocked… so if that fat punk tried to get in by our front door… my brother would be already onto him with a knife! haha

14) Are you happy? SUPER

15) Have you ever skinny dipped? nope… but i wouldn’t mind. Does the shower count? jk

16) Have you kissed someone hello or goodbye? who hasn’t. whoever wrote this bitch is bloody stupid! haha

17) Have u pashed someone of the same sex? AHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA… HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA… nope… jk. yeh, i have. have you!?

18) Are you passive or aggressive? depends on the situation but i’m mostly aggressive..

19) Any bad habits? plenty.. i’m sure. smoking is one..

20) Do looks matter to you when looking for a bf or gf? yeh, ofcourse. when you first see someone and are attracted to them, its because you obviously are digging their look. not because you can tell they have a GREAT personality. hehe but people learn to look past it anyway

21) What do you do when you are angry? i make sure the person who got me me angry, KNOWS i’m angry! but hmmmm.. i’d go off at them. depending on how angry they made me affects how loud and violent i may get. :S hehe, but yeh, i wouldn’t hit anyone. i aint that stupid. i’d LOVE to do it sometimes but noone has ever made me THAT angry

22) Have you ever been in a mosh pit? hahah.. no. knowing me in a mosh pit, i’d be flat like a pancake with only one thong on! haha

23) Could you be a vegetarian? nope… i like meat..

25) Have you ever cheated or been cheated on? yeh…

26) What do you consider cheating? anything intimate with someone else other than ur current bf/gf. However being unfaithful physically and over the internet counts too.

27) Gold or silver jewellery? For tiffany jewellery, silver looks fantastic. Only platinum though. I don’t likie cheap jewellery.

28) Have you ever been heartbroken? OHH YEH! who hasn’t! but yeh, i’ve had my fair share

29) Have you ever been the heartbreaker? yeh i guess but never meant to..you can’t help if u don’t feel da same way…

30) Do you trust people easily? sometimes.. i used to before but now i’m more cautious because there are alot of FUCKS in the world. let alone, the tri-state area hehe

31) What did you do for your last birthday? my 21st consisted of plenty of food, friends and family at home, too much red wine, partying hard at pontoon, getting drunk, losing my phone and saying "BIIIITCH!"

32) What are you worried about right now? nothing really. probably making it on time for my appointment with someone today.

33) How many keys on your key ring? too many

34) Thoughts on true love? it exists and i’m experiencing it right now.

35) What song are you listening to right now? stickwitu by pcd

36) Have you ever been in love? right here. right now

37) Last bf or gf’s name? Raljk

38) Worst pick up line ever heard? i dunno.. never been picked up, i don’t think. well nothing that i would call remotely significant!

39) What time is it in Albania right now? why don’t YOU find out, and get back to ME! hahah

40) Last person who made you cry? my baby. coz i missed him so much

41) Last party that you went to? my own! haha.. oh wait… my babies… it was at a friends place

42) Last time you went to the mall? early this week. went with jhim and my landlady

43) Last kiss with the opposite sex? this morning. its all we do. haha.. in bed, on the balcony, in the shower.. everywhere. haha

44) Last person you had a fight with? my baby? but i don’t consider it a fight.. more like a debate. no blood - no foul.

45) Last person who called you? baby

46) Last person that you called? baby

47) Last person that you hugged? baby

48) Last movie that you watched? some james bond movie. The boys wanted to watch it.

49) Last thing you bought? cigarettes … :S

50) What are you thinking about right now? i wish my ate was here so i can take her out

51) Out of your friends who is the:

- Funniest? my baby. fck his hilarious, arc and patrick

- Cutest? my baby and chavey is cute too! haha

- Happiest? arc, jessica, mervin, chavs

- Craziest? me. haha

- Strangest? noone really

- Most caring? everyone

- Sweetest? everyone

- Tallest? sarah, loganisa, jessica

- Smartest? a few ppl

- Best personality? All in their on ways

- Bitchiest? everyone can be a bitch sometimes

- Most stylish? most girls..n my baby is pretty trendy. i love dressing him up

- Sexiest? if i say am i gna be labelled ‘leso’?

- Ugliest? noone

- Loudest? ME! haha

- Shyest? i don’t like shy people. Hence, no friends that are shy

- Most embarrassing? nah not embarassing..more like funny hehe

- Most likely to become famous? me! haha

- Most likely to become a porn star? Me! hahah

- Most talented? a few..

- Biggest smartass? no one beats me

- Biggest luvo? to be safe i’ll just say me hehe

- Most fun to be around? everyone

- Sneakiest? dunno..

- Biggest aussie? my friends are aussie so i’ll say all of them?

- Biggest wog? meh.. skip!

- Cheekiest? again, to be saffe i’ll just say me hehe

- Most likely to cause trouble? i’d like to think that my friends and i are mature enough not to start shit anymore

- Most likely to be married? right here. right now

- Cutest couple? blah blah

52) What do you think of when you hear the word toothbrush? HAPEE

53) If you were a colour what would you be? silver

54) What do you look for when finding a bf/gf? honesty, super sweet, considerate, talented, sexy, active, healthy build.

55) Colour of your computer mouse? waste of a qstn lol Grey

56) ok dis one has been put blank so i’m gonna add a quest…56:if u had 2 bring back one thing

wat wuld dat be? brazilian wax to the philippines.

57) Favourite quote? we’d be here all day.. haha.. and thats no lie

59) Is your life interesting? haha.. yeh.. i think i need a reality show

60) Are you sick of this? yep. my back is aching

61) What did you do last night? got internet installed, ate dinner super late, got cake from my friend, smoke and slept with my baby

62) Do you believe in sex before marriage? yea abstinence is rare..n ppl r just horny hehe

63) Longest time on the phone? 6 or 7 hours

64) Favourite type of car? nissan 350z is pretty

65) Stupidest thing you have ever done? this 69 qstns bs lol

66) What do you think when you look in the mirror? nothing.. i hope i look decent? haha

67) When was your last meaningful kiss? this morning..

68) What do you wear when you go swimming? bikini

69) What will you never forgive in your life? i always forgive

Rule 1: If you opened this you GOTTA take it.
Rule 2: You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks.
Rule 3: Only answer truthfully

"Who was your last?"

LAST PERSON…

1. Had alcohol with?
my aunty. my boyfriend was watching me though.. haha

2. Went to the movies with?
my baby.

3. Went to the mall with?
my baby.

4. Talked on the phone with?
my baby.

5. Made you laugh?
HAHHAHA. my baby! he is so damn funny!

6. You hugged?
my baby.

7. You yelled at?
my baby. but that was a long time ago..

WOULD YOU RATHER…?

1. Pierce your nose or tongue?
tongue.. only if i must..

2. Be serious or be funny?
funny! haha.. im one, big, fat, joke! ahah

3. Whole or skim milk?
skim.. but philippines doesn’t have skim!

4. Die in a fire or get shot?
NEXT Q PLEASE

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY…

1. Sun or moon?
moon

2. Winter or Fall?
winter

3. Left or right?
right

4. Sunny or rainy?
rainy

5. Peach or Pear?
pear

6. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
both.. and i do it for my baby too. haha

7.Do you cook or eat out?
mostly eat out. only because i like eating out.. my baby can cook for me though..

8. Current mood?
hot and bothered

9. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
ohhhhh.. yes!

IN THE LAST WEEK HAVE YOU…

1. Kissed someone?
yes. many times

2. Sang?
yep

3. Been hugged?
yes. many times

4. Danced?
sure. i dance like an idiot but my baby likes it. haha

5. Cried?
nope.

Name: marlene soriano
Birthday: 25.05.1986
Birthplace: Ozland Current
Location: Philippines
Eye Color: Dark brown
Hair Color: Dark brown some more
Height: five foot - nothing as Loganisa would say. haha
Right Handed or Left Handed: righty
Your Heritage: Filipino baby! yeh yeh
The Shoes You Wore Today: my brown havaiana’s
Your Weakness: desserts after every meal. haha.. my family, friends and baby know its true! haha
Your Fears: getting fat from eating two many sweet things
Your Perfect Pizza: right now? it would be a big, fat, cheesy pizza with extra garlic! mmm..
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: be a superstar >> this actually COULD happen.. make it on print.. visit a GK site.. donate some money to GK… have a street named after me.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: meh.. i don’t care.. silly question Thoughts First Waking Up: mmm.. where’s my baby!
Your Best Physical Feature: personally i don’t like to answer this question myself, but my baby thinks i’m good all round.
Your Bedtime: until i’m satisfied..
Your Most Missed Memory: dinners with the girls at Georges. Ordering the whole menu and having the chocolate pecan pie.. mmm.. fck.. i want that damn pecan pie now!
MacDonalds or Burger King: neither - though, if i had to chose, McDonalds
Single or Group Dates: single. i don’t like sharing..
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: i think they’re the same.. right?!
Chocolate or Vanilla: CHOCOLATE.. did you even need to ask!? haha
Cappuccino or Coffee: Whoever made this quiz is odd?! hehe
Do you Smoke: unfortunately. i can stop though
Do you Swear: only if you anger me Do you Sing: not very well.. haha
Do you Shower Daily: yep!
Have you Been in Love: sure have. right here. right now.
Do you want to go to College: Nope. I’m content with what i do in Sydney
Do you want to get Married: sure do! been there. done that. haha jk.
Do you belive in yourself: I woudn’t be going to Philippines if i didn’t
Do you get Motion Sickness: sometimes… not always
Do you think you are Attractive: sometimes… not always.. i have bad days
Are you a Health Freak: when i want to be.. haha
Do you get along with your Parents: yep
Do you like Thunderstorms: only if i’m indoors - not including work. i hate walking home. I like playing indoors when its raining
Do you play an Instrument: haha.. i could say something really naughty here.. haha
In the past month have you Smoked: yep
In the past month have you been on Drugs: does the pill count? haha
In the past month have you gone on a Date: yep. with my baby
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: yep! even the cheaper version - cream-o’s! haha
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Nope. but i’m dying for it!
In the past month have you been on Stage: yep! ohhhh.. yes!
oo In the past month have you been Dumped: nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: in the bath tub?
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: probably alot of little, un-important stuff Ever been Drunk: Sure.. why not?
Ever been called a Tease: Yeh.. when i was younger..don’t know if i still have the magic now
Ever been Beaten up: Nope.
Ever Shoplifted: Yep. how else did i get my clothes for year 8 and 9?
How do you want to Die: next question…
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: happy and secure
What country would you most like to Visit: America.. again
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: dark brown
Favourite Hair Color: dark brown
Short or Long Hair: my baby’s hair
Height: much taller than me
Weight: not lighter than me
Best Clothing Style: new age hip hop
Number of Drugs I have taken: i thought we were talking about what we want in a boy? Number of CDs I own: i have NOOOO idea..
Number of Piercings: 2. earrings and belly
Number of Tattoos: 2. left rib and right hip
Number of things in my Past I Regret: nothing!

1. If you were to find out you were pregnant what would you do?
I better find out who the father is before I announce it. HAHAHA. Jk, better tell Raljk to start putting money in his $0 balance ING direct savings account.
Or I’ll gather my girlfriends have night of freaking out and a night of having fun.

2. Do you trust your friends?
Friends? No… that’s stupid. You tell your best friends only. The ones that can keep secrets.

3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the person you love?
Yeah, maybe. It depends where it is. If it was America, that would be fine coz I would know the language they speak and there’s great shopping malls. Whereas if it was a desert in Africa and everyone knew the language but me or i had no suitable job, I’d be the most demanding and most bitchiest person. What am i supposed to do for a living? Lie on the desert and get blacker? Um, i don’t think sooo…

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yeah. Sure do.

5. Name one thing you would NOT tolerate in a relationship.
Dishonesty. You f*ck up?.. seeyoubye. I’ll get my stuff else where. Raljk knows that so i don’t need to tell him twice.

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best room mate for you?
Jessica, my best friend. Either her or the person with these qualifications:
* Someone who is financially stable enough to pay for her own sh*t
* Must be hygienic
* Must have good, expensive, hot shoes. If not, a lecture will be coming your way
* Beauty products are a must
* Must love food as much as i do
* Wants to exercise as much as i do
* Doesn’t give a crap if i wanna have sook, whinge, punch.. etc.
* Will be happy to occupy herself if I’m having some fun in the other room
* Someone with the ability to get over herself quickly
* Ready for a night out and fun
* No judging.. if you must.. keep it on the low - unless you want me whinging your way! haha
* Ready and willing to stop dancing with a boy to get me some water if I’ve had too many sccccchhhhmirnoffs.
* Loves Billy Ocean..
* Fast internet connection is a must

7. Can you deal with people who are too concerned with status?
Yeah. I’ll slap some sense into them.

8. Are you afraid of falling in love?
Hmm.. I’m in love already. But if i were to end my relationship of nearly 5 years, and start again, I’d be so scared. They can f*ck you over big time, if you’re not careful. And if i fall in love with someone, that usually means we have to ‘do it’.. haha, I’m scared they might think i look funny - NEKID!

9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
for shizzle mah nizzle

10. Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new guy/girl?
AS IF! Boys are just boys. They come and go like seasons.
No, i would not neglect my friends for some d*ck. I don’t get that much time to myself but when I can make time, i always try to meet up, email, phone or whatever with my friends.
My friends are a priority too and the same goes to my lover.

11. Name one person from your friends list that you could call to fix a flat tyre:
Kuya!

12. From your friends list, who can you call in the middle of the night?
Anyone really. That doesn’t mean that they will pick up the phone. Everyone of my friends has a mobile phone. This includes: Raljk, Ate, Kuya, Jessica, Lols, Feisty, Kaye-Anne, Patrick..

13. What qualities do you find most attractive in the opposite sex?
Their ability to dance and spin like a mofo..
They must be able to dance.. dance WELL.. REALLY WELL.. I’ve got very high standards..
If they’re a flop with dancing! haha.. they at least to be really special and good at something. Whether it be playing guitar, being a geek/point dexter/nerd, knowing how to sing.. come to think about it. I don’t really mind that much. I would prefer him to dance though.. hmmm… *marlene fantasises about boy’s doing double turns, triple turns…*

14. Fill in the blank. I will NEVER forget my worth

15. What are your goals in life?
Within this year: Get more fitter.. toned.. hotter body… centre fold.. have a magazine to prove it…superstar in Philippines (at least)… be the best person i can be… perhaps another pageant/contest?
In about 10 years: Have enough money for a down payment for a house.. or have my house already… have at least 2 children… earning sh*tloads of money… travel to America and Europe… look hot for my husband…
Thats as far as I’m thinking.. I’ll re-evaluate in 10 years.

16. What can you tell about a person by kissing them?
Whether they’re good or not.. mm.. i like kissing..

17. When you get married, how would you envision your dream wedding to be?
Hazelnut chocolate only an arm length away, only my family and friends there - no unwanted people thanks, Billy Ocean/PCD/fergilicious and uber cool songs playing, Lols and Roger to dedicate ‘So Sick’ to me and my husband. haha

18. If you could say just one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
F*ck I’m good..

19. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended period
of time, name some people you would want to see around your bed?
My 4 piece family, Raljk, my closest friends (they know who they are), and my puppy dogs

20. How many kids do you want to have?
2 boys and 2 girls.. at least

21. Would you make a good parent?
Let me rephrase that… i will make a demanding yet full of love parent.

22. Where was your default pic taken?
OMG. Ages ago. MQ06 days.. I use myspace.com now.

23. What is your middle name?
* middle name sold separately.

24. What is your current relationship status?
In a relationship… with a boy.. haha

25. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
I don’t have a crush. I have a boyfriend, if that helps?

26. what is your current mood?
Hot and bothered.

27. What do you love most?
Dancing like a SERIOUS dork to Billy Ocean, before i go to work

29. Are you musical?
Is that a trick question.. ?

Your Top 8

1. Jessica
2. Lollies
3. Sarah
4. Ate
5. Kuya
6. Mum
7. Dad
8. Raljk

Questions

Is #1 attractive?
Nahhhh… haha.. Ofcourse she is. Outside and in the inside too. She knows more than 10 words in the dictionary. She beat me by 5!

Have you met his/her parents?
They are my parents.. I’m just the black spawn! haha

Are you or have you ever been romantically involved with this person?
Well you be the judge, she’s probably seen me naked, she’s seen me shower, she’s been in the room when I’ve showered, she takes care of me when I’m drunk (i can’t remember the night so she might have raped me), we’ve slept in the same bed, we’ve drank from the same cup, licked the same spoon, spoken for ages - face to face and on phone, we’re shared pretty much all our deepest secrets, we dine together.. so.. yes, yes i have been romantically involved with this person! haha

Have you ever hugged #2?
Nope….. but i squeezed her boob.

Friends with benefits?
With Lols? Hahahaha… Not with her.. if i were single.. i might.. HMM.. actually no.. ‘See, I’d think a girl is hot.. but I’d never eat her taco.. EVER!’

Have you even met this person?
High school friend and lover

Do you actually like #3?
No. Ofcourse not. She has the same views as me in regards to good shoes, jeans, bags and makeup. How could we NOT get along?

Do you go to school with him/her?
It’s seriously been since Kindergarten

Have you been to his/her house?
Sure have..

How old is #4?
I believe she’s turning 29?

Do you guys have inside jokes?
Not really.. we just like teasing my mum hehe. nothing brutal of course

Is this person athletic?
Kinda. She can jog longer than she can withstand a Jillian Michael’s exercise dvd.

Where does #5 live?
Sydney

How’d you meet this person?
He’s my brother..

Are you glad you met this person?
I don’t think i had a choice.. But if you must, yes i was glad.

What’s #6’s middle name?
Medrano

Does he/she have siblings?
Aunty Gloria, Aunty Zeny, Aunty Purita, Uncle Romy, Uncle Rudy and Uncle Bong

When are you going to see this person next?
She’s down stairs.. we live together.. haha

Use one word to describe #7.
Lovable

Does he/she have a pet?
We own the pet.. Rica and Ricki

Have you ever been out of town with this person?
Nope.. and i hope he never sees me. I wouldn’t want to disappoint him in his eyes.

Why is #8 last?
I saved the best for last..

Do they live near you?
Nope.. about 25 minutes away..

Is he/she attractive?
Abso-fucking-lutely!

I’m in love and i love the person i’m in love with.

He may be a dick at times, but he’s mine to tell off.

Anyway, to cut a huge schedule short - Friday was the MQ06 launch at Score Bar, Star City and it was ok - Not mentioning the fact that they nearly forgot me! hahaha.. but no matter.. a few girls danced on my behalf. Pictures were taken, drunken people were loud, models were lost and i was extremely tired. Anywho, the night wasn’t too bad, we pretty much walked our walk for perverts. People cheered, people hated us, people were jealous of us and people just wanted to be as beautiful as the ridiculously good-looking models. haha. Baby didn’t end up coming coz the mum had the car but thats ok, coz i was looking forward to the next day

On Saturday, baby and i went to the Radisson to celebrate his 24th birthday (which was on the Wednesday). Broadway was our first destination before checking in and we lunched there while taking silly photo’s in those "3-minute photo’s ", stinky and cramped-up labs. Arrived at Radisson spent some time in the bed and wandered the streets of Sydney to find a reasonable costume for my Model Quest prac the next day. Crazily enough, i couldn’t find anything - including a swimsuit coz ‘duh fred’ summer is not in yet, therefore swimsuits don’t come out for a while now. Well atleast decent ones. So yeh, went back to the Hotel after walking to Town Hall to buy dinner and then we slept again. haha. Because Raljk is so adventurous and i like to sleep, we bought tickets to ‘Little Man’ before we went back to the hotel. The movie started at 9.30pm so me being the lazy woman i am, i tried my best so we didn’t get out of bed and not watch the movie. haha Nevertheless, i got dragged out and it was a beautiful night for me and my stalker to stagger down the streets of Pitt and George. Raljk got a few pictures outta me and maybe they might be posted up but only if i feel like it.

Sunday was a great day. SO hilarious - like the rest of the Model Quest pracs, it was truly, the most frustrating and irritating practice thus far. haha. The girls, including myself, were starving for more chocolate and stunned at the level of "LOSTNESS" from some of the models. I guses you have to be there at practices to know what we’re going ga-ga about but if you come to the actual night itself, i’m sure you can spot the culprit. She’s a lovely girl, and her partner is the sweetest and most patient man but GEEBUS - i think she smoked too much crack when she was a kid.
I felt so sorry for the organisers coz they’d show us how to do the walk and the choreography around it and literally TWO seconds later when they say "________ do what we just did". And she doesn’t do it - its like she watched it but didn’t soak anything in. Sometimes she makes up the damn thing but has an innocent yet clueless face to go with it. It’s quite puzzling. She’s quite puzzling. I just don’t think anyone understands her. Lovely girl. Just odd - very odd.
Oh and btw, we have these personalised whistles that will be selling on the night. Very Awesome.. How excitement. A must see event! woot woo.. Model Quest! =) hehe

Anyway, its my day off today coz its Bank Holiday-EVEN THOUGH i don’t work at a bank. I’m in insurance - but i ain’t complaining. So i’m just pretty-ing myself up and doing a few errands for Raljk’s dinner tonight at all you can eat. I’m not a fan of ribs so i’ll be a tipical model and ask for a salad! haha. Speaking of that topic, even though i’m in this model comp, i seriously haven’t done much to make my body better.. maybe a little bit better. But i haven’t worked out, HARD OUT, for a week now and i eat chocolate as if its going extinct so Raljk always has a go at me about that. But seriously, if they (judges) don’t like my blubber fly.. they can kiss my bum bumm and give me a free ticket to Philippines! haha.

SHit, i just looked at myself in the mirror and i think i’m water retenting up- no daddy nooooo!

To end, i would like to say:

I love Raljk because he’s my puppydog half.

I’ve seen your face a thousand times
Have all your stories memorized
I’ve kissed your lips a million ways
But I still love to have you around

I’ve held you too many times to count
I think I know you inside out
And we’re together most days
But I still love to have you around

You’re the one I want and it’s not just phase
You’re the one I trust, our love is the real thing

Don’t go away
My love (my love)
I want you to stay
In my life
Don’t go away
My lover (my love)
I’m happiest when we spend time

You’re a salty water ocean wave
You knock me down, you kiss my face
I know the storms will always come
But I still love to have you around

Heaven knows what will come next
So emotional, you’re so complex
A rollercoaster built to crash
But I still love to have you around

You’re the one I want and it’s not just phase
You’re the one I trust, our love is the real thing
Don’t go away
My love (my love)
I want you to stay
In my life
Don’t go away
My lover (my love)
I’m happiest when we spend time (it’s only you and I)

It’s you there when I close my eyes
And you in the morning
I never thought you’d still be mine
Or I’d really need to have you around

Don’t go away
My love (my love)
I want you to stay
In my life
Don’t go away
My lover (my love)
I need you, you’re my love supply

Don’t go away
My love (you’re my love supply)
I want you to stay
In my life (every day, every night)
Don’t go away
My love (you’re my love supply)
I need you, you’re my love supply

I had a dream.

He was amazing and the first time we got formally introduced to each other was through a performance night. We exchanged names, he gave me something and that was it. He danced. I watched. He was very talented. I was impressed. We left and went our separate ways. Different ride. Different location. Different situations.

I would see him around and maybe he was courting me and/or stalking me whenever i went out - but it felt good. Surprisingly, he would find a way to see me and continue to give me small, new presents whenever we would bump into each other. Whenever we would talk, he kept me on my toes and he seemed to always want to impress me with his words. He was a gentleman. He didn’t try any moves on me, even if he wanted to. There was something familiar about him that made me want him to court me. He was exciting, persistant and made me feel like no other person was important but me. It was real and he desired me as much as i desired him. Pangs of love or lust. Whatever it was, it left me wanting more..

He wasn’t my boyfriend.

He was from SKB.

It’s time for a clear mind and a good workout so i stumble along Pitt Street hoping to make it to my gym so i can spin my beautiful, little butt - despite having my work shoes being filled up with blood as i walk.

I had always been to a spin class and have been quite alright with the workout so i was expecting it to be managable and nothing out of the ordinary. As i get trained on what i thought i knew - the correct height and usage of the bike. I was wrong. After i had been doing it wrong all along - noone had corrected me earlier that it wasn’t right.

My teacher was motivating and i was really getting into the spin of things when i fell apart. With my little legs working as fast as they can so i can get the best out of the workout, my heart collapsed and i had a "Marlene at the gym while listening to Whitney Houston on her iPod".

Remember, this is your work out! You can turn the dial
as far as you want. YOU are in control!

and that’s when it struck me. I am not in control at all. And i love being in control especially since i’m a perfectionist and i want everything to be beautiful and organised. I cried during my work out because nothing in my life is going to plan at the moment and it literally KILLS me. Everyone knows i hate weakness and today and for the past few days, this is what has been haunting me. Failure is not an option for me. And i know it’s unhealthy to think like that, but if i have high expectations for others and i, myself cannot meet them - how hypocritical of me. I could lower my standards but i think too highly of myself to do that. (I know that it was a very butch thing to say, but if you don’t think too highly of yourself - you’ll attract the same standard - I SAY..).
My heart hurt, i had a one track mind, my thoughts we’re piercing and my eyes were coming close to tears. It was so hard to focus, but once again - the pain in my workout and my heart forced me too pedal harder. The instructor kept all of us in track and made us work to the point where we thought we couldn’t pedal any faster. I tried to motivate myself by thinking that nobody could ever mess with me or hurt me to the point where i feel low - but even the half-assed motivational talks to myself couldn’t stop me from thinking otherwise. Suddenly the burn turned into pain and the sweat turned into tears.

Now i pedal along and the dial is now in the middle. The question is, do i turn it up or down?

my heart has broken.
my tears are burning.
my faith needs to be restored.
my fingers are cold.
my head needs to start thinking logically now.
my thoughts are hurting.
my body wants nobody.
my confidence is to a minimum.
my trust is still available.
my love for you is pending.