your daily dose of marlene…

Today is unbelievably HOT! And if anyone knows me that well, they know i hate being uncomfortably HOT! So thank God noone is home to bother me!

At last… i’m free from yuck! haha, In the morning i performed my monthly ritual myself, without spending $45. You guessed it! I gave myself a brazillian! haha, and no.. it didn’t hurt. I think all the nerves there have died since i’ve been getting it done for some time now. It feels so liberating having nothing there! haha. Let me just say, I am actually quite glad that i did it myself. Even though it may have taken longer, I actually am content with the job i done. AND i’ve had my fair share of wonky ass nazi, pussy waxers! Let me share one of my weirdo stories with you… haha…

I went to get a quick, emergency wax in the city when i was shopping with Kaye (Kaye, if youre reading this.. you know what i’m talking about. YOU HAVE TO! haha).. anyway, couldn’t find any appointments early enough so i could meet up with Raljk and i remembered in the 9 to 5 that there was a beautician’s ad which said "Painless Brazilian Wax". Ofcourse it was mostly bullshit! haha, anyway, i gave it a shot and luckily enough she could squeeze me in 15 minutes. So yeh, i walked into her shitty, walkk cracking, bathtub blind, massage bed-used-for-waxing warehouse. I knew something was disgusting and shitty about it, but i was desperate. So anyway, this Polish Nazi had this strong accent and while i walked in, she looked straight at me - stared right into my eyes and said, "TEK OFF YURR PAAANTS  EN YURRR PANTIESS, EN GIIT ON D TEBBLE". (In translation, if you didn’t understand my freaky deaky dutch - it was "Take off your pants and your panties, and get on the table". Omg! Can i just say, that was the most quickest wax i’ve ever had in my life. I think it seriously took 10 minutes! She used the strip wax and not salon so my skin was going crazy with the strips being ‘yoinked’ off me at a million miles per hour! I vividly remember everything - its all screaming back at me. I YELPED at one staged and you should’ve seen the way she looked at me. She told me not to scream because noone would come to her salon if they heard anyone in pain. Man, dumb whore can’t tell me not to scream or anything. I think it was partially my fault why she was getting all rough. Coz there was a guy waiting outside for her and they had plans to fcuk. I’m pretty sure! haha, BUT STILL! I paid the biatch and walked outside to Kaye. My pussy was on FIRE! And NOT in a good way! haha. And i made Kaye touch it so she could believe me! Never again.. never, NEVER again.

Well.. that was my story about my muff! haha, I hope you enjoyed that story as much as i enjoyed that experience! haha. gah!

Anyway, tonight is Eve and yay, i’m spending it with Raljk’s friends =|.

Happy New Year everybody! Seeyoubye 2005… =)

I’m feeling good today. Actually, ecstatic. Don’t know why, but i’m feeling so content right now, with what i’ve achieved, the family i love, the relationship i am in and the obscene amount of chocolate that i have eaten in the past few days. I’m just looking forward to 2006 and starting my whirlwind of adventures all over again. Woot woo.

Yesterday Raljk, Cheryl and the boys went to Towers and watched the Chronicles of Punania. haha. and i actually enjoyed it, while watching it three rows away from the screen. Cheryl and i drove back and forth from Castle HIll to Raljk’s house. OoohH.. daredevils! haha. Well only me since i don’t have my licence - but nevertheless, i’m a fab driver! I also watched Sex and the City at the friends place and was hating Mr Big so much for ruining whatever Carrie had. Yes, it takes two to tango, AND she was at fault but why is it that when something remotely goes good in her relationships - Mr Big would always have moved in for the kill. As if he has some fckd up radar going on. sigh.Man.. i hope noone has that kind of situation coz that hurts even to the bystander. Having WATCHED the episode when Big caught her in the elevator, told her that he missed/loved her and mauled her face, killed me. 

Christmas Day was spent at my BAHAY! Presents were given, MY presents given were worn or used and my throat hurt - after singing too much crap on magic mic. haha. THe familia came and again we went crazy. Something tells me that Cheryl and i should lay off the singing for a while. It JUST might be too good for everyone else to hear. haha. Mol-ester and his family didn’t come, only because he’s doing his brothers wife in the hotel, without a condom. haha. And you know the sad thing about it?! It’s probably true. haha I slept over Cheryl’s house and the unforseen happened. I forgot to bring my pills. FREAKIN oath. I was shatting myself coz it isn’t the GREATEST time to be forgetting one. Oh well, i guess whatever happens HAppens aye? I was skitzing and looking at the net, seeing what could happen and asking my bestfriend and cousin to help me out. But its not like i could just randomly go home. I was in Blacktown so that was a no-go. Anyway, the chances have increased but i guess you guys just have to stay tuned if i have a big BABY BUMP! haha. It better have my good looks! hahHAHAHA jk

Tomorrow’s FREAKIN work and i don’t want to go away from the nothingness that i have been doing. Nevertheless, i’ll be doing nothingness at work anyway since i’m speedy Gonzales =) Clearly, i couldn’t be stuffed showing up.. but atleast we’ve got casual clothes days until 2006 starts, so praise God.

Jojo and his family are coming over today from down south so theres something to look forward to! =) I just hope my baby comes over too even though he doesn’t want to. I miss him. Even though i saw him on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I love his company. AND plus, Raljk and I didn’t play on Monday and i was ok. haha. Now i know that my relationship is not just physical. haha. yeh yeh! I know that one day doesn’t constitute that, but one day is a big thing to me =)

[raljk] love marls x0x

I would like to say and THINK that i’m a person that doesn’t give up easily, who strives for excellence and keeps on putting more than 100% in all that i do - whether that be in work, exercise, friendships and relationships, but i THINK today has brought me to think differently.
I’ve suffered my second rejection from a second interview. I didn’t think it would hurt me as much, but surprisingly - it did. I could’ve cried, and i felt like crying - only because i know how hard i work and how deserving i am. But is that the company’s fault or mine - for not convincing them that i’m worthy of such position? I went into the room, not with too much confidence, but with enough content that i done well in the process of interviewing. Gah. Oh well, apparently i didn’t show that i wanted it or atleast convince them that i wanted it - but why should i. Towards the end the wait just for ONE interview, i didn’t want it - but that didn’t mean that i wasn’t deserving of it, in comparison to the high standard of work i do. Does it? Maybe in interviews - OR LIFE -  you have to put on a ‘face’ to get what you you THINK you need- even if you don’t want it…. In my case, it was this position.

I dunno. Maybe i’m talking nonsense but to have an insight of what i have to battle each and every day, is my self esteem.

Everyone and probably a lot of girls have low self esteem, but i think i have to battle it out - maybe more than i should. There’s an exercise that someone like that can practice. All they have to do is convince themselves that they are, for example - sexy, confident, beautiful, and soon enough people on the outside start believing it and then slowly - you’d be able to feel it too by mind power. Bluff it until you become it. As for me, man.. i gotta battle it out with my head all the time. My head thinks on top of that and bullies my good thoughts by saying that i’m just trying to convince myself - which is partially true! haha. But why do we have to do this exercises to make us feel sexy, confident, beautiful? GAH! Just pisses me off why we.. or I can’t have the trait of high self-esteem… haha. If we were, we’d have to be confident enough to think OR know that - but then again, if we aren’t one of those people, we’d have to do that convincing shat again. Oh well, now i’m just going round and round. But nevertheless, the progress on me feeling good about myself is going sweet asssss =)

Now to the topic of couples and "PDA" - or whatever the crap you call it. A friend of mine has brought upon a very good agenda regarding couples acting unruly infront of friends and dammit, i agree with him. Personally, if my friend was canoodling with their partner, to a point where i’d want to throw up - i would tell them to get out or leave. If THEY have no shame - Oh baby, they haven’t seen me! There was this one time when Raljk’s friend brought his girl over whilst watching a movie and dammit, its fine if you wanna coudle and shat, but giggling and touching each other inappropriately whilst in the presence of his friends AND me, i was ready to tell them to get out of Raljk’s house. I don’t wanna see that sh*t?! It’s beautiful, great and grande that they can freely show that affection, but freakin oath - there is a time and place for everything. NOt only that, but they certainly very selfish - and NOT in a good way. Selfish in a sense that they give no two hoots about the people, let alone friends who are in their presence, at the time. They have no respect of those friends because they think that they are the only ones in the world and think that they can do anything. ALSO that they don’t care about the ones around them and THEIR comfort. I just think its rude. bleugh! There was this one disgusting time, i was on the train with one of my old ‘friends’ and her boyfriend at the time. Both of them were sharing a seat and opposite me. I don’t know why, but for some reason they started pashing. OMG. I wanted to puke. No joke. For plentiful reasons actually:

1. I couldn’t believe the fact that they were doing it infront of me in the first place
2. They are freakin rude for doing that to me and putting me in that position
3. Them kissing looked like they were trying to eat each others face off - and NOT in a good way
4. She didn’t know how to kiss
5. Her tongue looked like a machine gun in one of the world wars
6. It looked as if there was TOO much saliva
7. She didn’t know how to kiss
8. She didn’t know how to kiss
9. She didn’t know how to kiss
10. And i don’t think he really knew where her mouth was..

The reason i know this is that it was that it was in my face - and YES, i could’ve turned away, but lets just say it happened too fast for me NOT to notice! bleugh. And i thought girls could kiss. Guess the talent doesn’t run in every girls blood. haha

If you wanna know who this friend is. haha..oh my! Just ask me and i’ll tell you - depending if i like you or not. haha =)

But yeh, that was my two cents.

Keep up the good work Marlene! haha

Have you ever had that one  time where you cried your heart out? It’s not one of those normal, "Oh, someone lied to me and kicked me in the ass.." blah blah blah.. not that petty shat. It feels worse. Really bad. In fact, its the kind that makes you scream so loud that your chest hurts and wail like a mother biatch. It makes your throat hurt and makes your heart feel as if its sunken so low - lower than you had ever thought it could go. I’ve felt like that and i’m sure everyone has - if not, its nothing to anticipate. Its hard to explain but there was this one time that Raljk - hmm, not even Raljk made me cry like that. More of the situation that i was in and the people that have made me so angry that i could .. HAHHA.. i could do a lot of things…. but i don’t think anyone should doubt my abilities to really hurt someone. Anyway, i was watching my old time, favourite movie, "Steel Magnolias" and there was a scene that depicted that exact feeling i felt. Ohh, how it brought back the memories. Gah! I was crying myself.. haha, poor me. I think i should get myself some kleenex and 40cents so i can tell someone who cares! haha.

On a brighter note, Raljk and I went on our first getaway ALONE! (and so did my best friend Jessica with Squ - to Terrigal)!Woot woo. We went to Nelson Bay, Port Stephen and it was bloody awesome. It was quite a drive and man, was it different to the city. The roads are wider, people were white, i don’t think there were any traffic lights, the shoe stores are horribly ugly, they have a shop called Target - Country and most of all, it was quiet. Personally, i love the city and everything that is busy about it, but i couldn’t help but enjoy the nothingness that i was doing. Really, there wasn’t much to do. Raljk kept on complaining that he was bored and he wanted to do something always but i was enjoying doing nothing. It was my first holiday since Philippines with Kaye - and DAMNNNN, did it feel good! We stayed at the Landmark Resort Hotel and we had a beautiful view from where we were. We have pictures to prove it but we still haev to upload them and plus, Raljk has to send it over to me through my slow-ass computer. Anyway, 3 days and 2 nights aren’t enough! We went walking around to the local shops, fought over which direction to take to go to certain places, we had picnics on the balcony - haha, personal joke - ehh, not even a joke but something Raljk and I say, ate from their ‘popular’ Thai restaurant - which, might i add, didn’t do anything for me, shopped at their local BI-LO and walked on their beaches - PS. SYdney beaches are much better. Nevertheless, i still ran into the bitchy store attendants - which happened to me a Baskin Robin’s biatch. Dumb bitch wanted to start me by putting my tub of icecream upside down in the carrier bag. OOOhHh.. she knew it would drip! But luckily i caught it before there was any drippage. If there were, i would’ve gotten the bucket and shoved the crap in her face. haha. GARGH! She made me angry… and she’s got alot of nerve. But yeh, the great thing about being outside the city, is that you can wear your underwear, pretend its the bottom of your bathing suit and wear a revealing titty top - and they STILL won’t throw rubbish at you! Oh the freedom!

Anyway, we’re at home now! City sweet City. Which means that its back to work! No daddy, nooo. *Sigh* We went to Parramatta Westfield, wasted time and realised that i didn’t have anything to buy and so, we went home. *Sigh*. Back to work tomorrow and then on Wednesday i have an RDO - BUT i still have to go into the city for a second interview with an employer for another position i’m going for. *Sigh*. Wish me luck.. Maybe i’ll have to end up shopping, while i’m there.

Ps. Hello to Kaye who is in Vancouver! YEH YEH!
Pps. Thank you to puppy, Raljk who drove us to and from Port Stephens safely. Love you.

love marls xox

I don’t understand why people find it so hard to give up their addictions. Whether it be smoking or as simple as buying their daily coffee. I’ve heard a lot of my friends ask me how i gave up smoking cold turkey (well, i guess every now and then i sneak one in when i get furious or if i have a drink) but its simply up to the person and how strongly they want to quit. I understand how there are some people who are not as strong as others. But i see it as no excuse. I have my weaknesses and to quit smoking was a tough process - no doubt. But if you really want to stop a habit - You will and nothing will stop you depending on how determined you are. Ofcourse its more easier being said than done but i guess its tough titties if you prove to yourself that youre a weakling and there is no will power there to battle it out. Maybe some people don’t realise what harm they are actually doing to their body (physically or mentally) - and this is not just referring to the smokers - its just funny how people don’t know what theyre doing to themselves, when clearly they know its wrong. A lot of the time it takes one big hit to make you realise what you’ve done but it quite stupid to think that a confrontation, f*ck up or maybe someones misfortune is the only reason for someone to better their ways. I know it seems and sounds like i’m preaching about being good and giving up your addictions, God knows i’ve got a few. and dammit! I am preaching! .. but i just don’t like seeing intelligent people continually making mistakes and having toxic relationships and lives. Tis such a waste and a crying shame, but i guess people have to make mistakes too… Just not too much, coz then you just look bloody stupid! haha =)

This afternoon i got irritated like something severe. A friend repeatedly took my idea on something and it totally irritated me. God, i know it sounds petty, and i’m not creative at times, but dammit, for her to take credit and to scream it out as her idea. I hit to roof. When ideas are used over and over, it just loses its meaning because its just becoming a bloody trend and nothing unique. It just shitted me hard for someone to just copy it. GAH! haha and she always says, "Marlene, we’re so the same. Same fashion sense (not that i even have one!) same.. bs.. same this, same that". I keep on thinking, "God, you’re nothing like me!!!" hahaha. I just dislike people who need to feed off other people, whether it’s with people’s sayings, clothes or whatever it may be. I think there are too many sheep in this world. I can name a few and bloody oath i’m sure a lot of you can agree! DON’T YOU AGREE KAYE! haha

Speaking of which, me and that other friend were talking about relationships and what we are comfortable in doing and she’s come up with a conclusion that i’m conservative - probably coz she’s a freakin lesbian! jk - or am i?! I guess it’s fairly true to some extent, but this chick thought i was some freak in the bed! It’s just that she thought that i’d be more freakier. And God, i’d like to think that i’m not that damn boring - haha - but yeh, she was saying, "Oh Marls, i thought you’d be doing this and that" - might i also add that some of the crap was saying.. i don’t even think that alot of people do. I am reserved and i don’t like doing some things but half of the reason is because i don’t really feel comfortable and possibly coz i don’t like the damn thing! haha. But only my puppy, Raljk will ever know my boundaries and how far i can be pushed. haha. She told me that i give out the impression that i’m some s*x freak but damn! You must be kidding - gah, and maybe i am, but i’m just telling her otherwise. I think i’m far from it unless you think role play, costumes, eating food off each other, threesomes are amateur acts haha. jk. I certainly don’t feel like i’m "sexual" or as if i give a "sexual" vibe to other people. haha. But if i do, i’m excited! woot woo! haha

Anyway, on a more UNsexual note, its my daddy’s birthday.

He’s 60 years old.
I gave him a birthday kiss on the cheek, in the morning.
I told him that he smelt like an old man.
My mum laughed.

Ps. Raljk, you’re a sexy boy and i hope you find me sexy! haha