Spin - think outside the box
Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006It’s time for a clear mind and a good workout so i stumble along Pitt Street hoping to make it to my gym so i can spin my beautiful, little butt - despite having my work shoes being filled up with blood as i walk.
I had always been to a spin class and have been quite alright with the workout so i was expecting it to be managable and nothing out of the ordinary. As i get trained on what i thought i knew - the correct height and usage of the bike. I was wrong. After i had been doing it wrong all along - noone had corrected me earlier that it wasn’t right.
My teacher was motivating and i was really getting into the spin of things when i fell apart. With my little legs working as fast as they can so i can get the best out of the workout, my heart collapsed and i had a "Marlene at the gym while listening to Whitney Houston on her iPod".
Remember, this is your work out! You can turn the dial
as far as you want. YOU are in control!
and that’s when it struck me. I am not in control at all. And i love being in control especially since i’m a perfectionist and i want everything to be beautiful and organised. I cried during my work out because nothing in my life is going to plan at the moment and it literally KILLS me. Everyone knows i hate weakness and today and for the past few days, this is what has been haunting me. Failure is not an option for me. And i know it’s unhealthy to think like that, but if i have high expectations for others and i, myself cannot meet them - how hypocritical of me. I could lower my standards but i think too highly of myself to do that. (I know that it was a very butch thing to say, but if you don’t think too highly of yourself - you’ll attract the same standard - I SAY..).
My heart hurt, i had a one track mind, my thoughts we’re piercing and my eyes were coming close to tears. It was so hard to focus, but once again - the pain in my workout and my heart forced me too pedal harder. The instructor kept all of us in track and made us work to the point where we thought we couldn’t pedal any faster. I tried to motivate myself by thinking that nobody could ever mess with me or hurt me to the point where i feel low - but even the half-assed motivational talks to myself couldn’t stop me from thinking otherwise. Suddenly the burn turned into pain and the sweat turned into tears.
Now i pedal along and the dial is now in the middle. The question is, do i turn it up or down?
